Freaking out

I am freaking out. The following emails say it all. I can't handle this shit. I just can't. I can't do this again. My heart is breaking.

Me:

"Hi Dr. Surgical Oncologist,

Sorry to bother you directly. I have been calling your office for a month now trying to get my path results from the excision you did back on July 25th, without any luck.

I have requested that you call me multiple times, or that someone let me know what is happening. My calls are not returned and when I do happen to reach your secretary directly she says she'll call me back with info then doesn't. The one time she did return my call, it was 2 weeks later and she wanted to book me for the excision! I had clearly left detailed messages that I had had an excision and was looking for the pathology report.

I resorted to calling Dr. Medical Oncologist's secretary the week before last and she is having no luck getting the info either. Dr. M.O. called and left a message that there was no record of me having the excision at all.

Is the pathology not in yet? What has taken so long? When it is found, can a copy please be sent to me at home?

I cannot be reached during the day this week but please do leave a message on my answering machine or email me back if you have any information.

Thank you

Sarah"


Reply from Dr. Surgical Oncologist:

"Dear Sarah

The pathology report is available through the Mount Sinai Hospital which is probably why Dr. Medical Oncologist's office couldn't find it. The nodule that I removed was melanoma that had come back just under the skin in the soft tissues andI have been wanting to speak with you about the results and also about the MRI scan of the axilla which I reviewed again with the radiologist after we saw each other last. I know that my secretary was trying to get you to come in and see me. She offered you an appointment for last Friday. When she said that you did not want to come in I have been planning to call you to discuss the results but because of the long weekend I have not had the opportunity.

The problem is that I went around the nodule (what I could feel) but there were melanoma cells at the edges of what I took out. Also, the MRI suggests that there may be another nodule in the underarm....it looks worrisome and may be another recurrence in the soft tissue of the underarm. It seems to be in the lower underarm against the chest wall, not the upper part. I wanted to see you to reexamine you to see if I could identify it and also try and figure out what we should do next, first to try and and see if it is true, try and find out where this is and what we should do about it. I would very much like to see you to reexamine you. Please let me know what you want me to do.

Secretary, can you please mail the pathology report from MSH to Sarah? I excised an area from the underarm in June/July. Also please include her most recent MRI scan.

Dr. Surgical Oncologist"


Me back:

"WHAT?!

How could this information not have been relayed to me? I have been calling for a month. When I spoke with your secretary a couple weeks ago, I asked her about the path and she said all she had was a note that I had my MRI and I needed to set up an appointment to have an excision. I said no, I already had the excision on the 25th. She said she'd look into it and then I never heard about it again. Obviously there was miscommunication, but how could it not have been sorted out sooner? I have called and left more messages. I should have just emailed you directly Dr. S.O. as this all got sorted out in a couple hours.

So, I can see you ANY time and would like to see you, obviously, as soon as possible.I am completely shaken and in shock. Was not expecting this.

Thanks

Sarah"

FUCK!!!!!!!!