Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Waiting to Fully Exhale

We had a wicked weekend in Toronto. Lotsa shopping, lotsa eating at my fave vegan restaurant, Fressen, a fun laid-back wedding reception for some friends that eloped, lotsa walking and reminiscing, "When we lived in Toronto...". I lived downtown TO for 5 years, and the D-man lived there for 2. We miss it, but have made a life 2 hours outside where life is slower and the houses are much cheaper.

Still in the dark on what is going on in my armpit. I only got partial results from my CT on Friday because the analysis of my whole body wasn't in. My lungs are clear-- huge sigh of relief because I've been having some chest pain but I will now 100% attribute that to nerve damage and healing from surgeries and radiation. Some activity in my right axilla (armpit). The tiny lump that I found is too small to light up, but there is a bigger area that is unusual compared to my last CT in December. That would be the area that my onc felt and that the FNA said was clear (twice). My surgeon feels it is likely scar tissue seeing as the FNA's were negative and the fact that my last CT was prior to my last surgery. It makes sense that the area would be bulkier. But, to be sure I have to have an MRI of the area.

Wait time rant. My MRI isn't scheduled till June 21st at 12:15 am, and that is in a city 2 hours away from me. My surgeon implied that it would be done this week, but I think she is slightly out of touch with the reality of medical imaging wait times. Of course, the CT was done in near record time, but a CT only takes 5 minutes, whereas an MRI takes 45 minutes or so.

So, the jury is still out. And it will be out for another 2 weeks. Boo.

My surgery can't be scheduled till after the MRI, but I know there will be surgery. It will just be a matter of it being minor to remove the tiny lump to see what it is, or major to remove the other mass too. My surgeon indicated that if this other mass is malignant, the surgery will be riskier than my prior two because there is only scar tissue and nerves and arteries left in that area, no fatty tissue so she might opt not to do it. Um, what? I'll be shopping for another surgeon if she does take that stand, but we'll cross that bridge if we get to it. I'm 80% confident it is scar tissue. Trying desperately to get a surgery date for asap after the June 21st MRI but no one will return my calls from the surgeon's office. Last time I needed surgery in December, the secretary was on vacation so no one booking dates with the surgeon and my surgery was a month after diagnosis. I know I'm looking at at least a month from initially finding lump, to surgery this time too. The waiting is sometimes the worst part of all this.

I took this week off work. Because I am "in training" in my new position, which basically means reading tax legislation at my desk for 7.25 hours/day. As if I can concentrate at my desk when I have this shit on my mind. It would be another story if I had actual work to do, but it is hard enough to keep my eyes open reading that stuff on a good day so I said screw it for this week.

I think I may go in next week for the 3 days I'm supposed to work and suck it up. I'm still on a gradual back-to-work rehab program (topped-up from my insurance company for the days I'm not there) which makes it pretty flexible for me to just not come in if I don't feel I'm physically or emotionally up for it. This week off is just to remain sane. Physically I feel 100%. Must go for run tonight and get back on track with that!


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