Good Vibes Needed

MRI was last Thursday at 12am, 2 hours from home. Gah.

My sweet friend Liz came with me and waited the 45 minutes while I was strapped to a plank with velcro right up to my head and put into the cavernous machine that clangs and bangs the whole time while it is supposedly taking detailed images of my insides. Fun times.

I'm claustrophobic and took a Clonazepam to take the edge off then closed my eyes tight and deep breathed the entire time. Once about a year ago, I ran out of an MRI in hysterics before the procedure even started. Luckily now I've developed a technique to get through it.

It was a close one though. The technician had to reconfigure the bed because I refused to get into the cage contraption that was set up. They like to put a cage over your head so you can't move. I. Can. Not. Do. That. For freaks like me, they have this other, less than ideal device, that comes up sort of like a shield over your face, but not over your eyes. He was very kind and understanding and set the thing up especially for me.

So, tomorrow I suppose I'll get the results of the MRI. They want to find out if the big mass in my armit that my oncs feel but 2 FNA's say is negative for cancer is indeed just scar tissue. Right. It fucking better be.

I'm definitely getting the little lump that has become more worrisome excised tomorrow. I say more worrisome, because in the 3.5 weeks I've waited since I first found the lump, to when I saw my medical onc, to when I saw my surgical onc, to when I finally have an appt. to get it removed, it has grown. Before, it was definitely smaller than a pea. Now, it is definitely larger than a pea. Boo.

Please send your positive vibes my way tomorrow! I'm still hoping for a miracle! Maybe it is just a pea growing inside me! Heck, we planted some in the garden this summer, who's to say a seed didn't implant in me?