Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Untitled 2.0

Melanoma is out to get me. I just found another lump around the corner from my armpit sort of on my shoulder. Now, that's 3 I can feel. One on my side, lower armpit, and one right in my armpit by my old scar, and now this one. Holy shit.

I don't know what is going to happen, but I know this will not be fun.

I'm so sick of this. Why couldn't I have been one of the lucky ones?

Edited to add: I was going to delete what I just said because now that I am a bit more lucid I realize how ridiculous and self-pitying I am being and I'm rather embarrassed for myself. But then I figured, that was real in that moment. Just an example of the emotional swings. I had a bath and while am totally heartbroken and terrified, my overwhelming mood right now is: Bring it on bitch! I'm taking you down!


At 1:51 PM, Blogger Carver said...


I'm still trying to think of something to cheer you up that's not trite or insensitive. I fear my humor towards myself run a little towards sick jokes which others sometimes find a little too sick but I find them funny. I don't run towards that kind of humor towards others just laughing at myself. Like when I was so down I made myself shower so I wouldn't gross out the undertaker. Get the picture. I'll stop while I'm behind.

Sarah you have every right to feel discouraged but hopefully this will be but a bump in the road. What I hope is that since you're already scheduled for surgery, your doctor can get a jump start on the new issues and find out if they are or hopefully are NOT melanoma, all at the same time as the surgery you're going in for.

I'm keeping those good vibes going to you and I hope this will soon be over and mel will leave you alone forever.

As ever, Carver

At 2:05 PM, Blogger Sarah said...

you did make me smile carver. i am all about the sick humour too. i've realized it freaks the non sick people out though so i try to keep it to my self.

the weird thing is, i don't even consider myself sick really. i identify as a healthy person. that's who i am. denial i guess.

thanks for cheering me up!

At 9:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Sarah--

I have been reading your blog since I saw it posted on the mpip board. My son Jarrett died of melanoma on February 22nd. He was seventeen and he was a fighter, too.

I'm not writing to scare you in any way. Jarrett's case was all worst case scenerio. I just wanted to share Jarrett's website with you. There may be some things that I have journaled through this nightmare that may help you fight your fight...smarter and better.

My best advice is --to never let any doctor give up on you. As soon as you get the slightest sense of "their ready to throw in the towel"...find a new doctor...push harder!!!

Best of luck to you in your fight. And kick some melanoma ass for Jarrett Boston and his mother.

Michelle Boston
to visit Jarrett's site
go to visit--then type in jarrettboston

At 9:07 AM, Blogger Sarah said...

Thanks Michelle I will check out your blog.

Funny you should mention dr's throwing in the towel as my surgeon basically told me she was done last night as it "will just keep coming back" but I fought her on it and it sounds like she will go in and get all the lumps. I am completely pissed at her and will make an appt with another surgeon today.


At 5:16 AM, Blogger caroline said...

you are an amazing woman sarah. and i am so sorry about all of this.


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